Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize