Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
what day is it and did you see me today?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
