Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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