I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My vagina is very pro this idea
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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