Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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