TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
