kristin has been a bad kristin
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
