I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
