Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
