I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
