I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You are the jesus of drinking
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
