he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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