at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The uberlube is also flammable
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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