Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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