So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
