I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
