..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize