So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
