ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
