half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
