You just made me feel so damn special
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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