wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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