just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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