I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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