I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
