I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
