she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
