So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
