hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Hippo gnu deer
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
