well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
