I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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