Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
