Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
