I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
