Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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