so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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