"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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