Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
