you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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