I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
