Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
