dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
