please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize