Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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