Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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