this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
