Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
