hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i just google imaged poop.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
