did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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