batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
