i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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