Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
