I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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