I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
