he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
