I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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