so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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