After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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