so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
