Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
