i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
did i walk over a car last night?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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