Ambien. No doubt about it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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