Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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