Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
