my sisters under your porch take her home
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I have feelings that need drinking.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
jump out the window naked night went bad
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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