ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
