My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
