Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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