Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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