the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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